THROW OUT ALL MAPS. RIP THEM FROM YOUR BOOKS. RIP THEM FROM YOUR HEARTS OR THEY WILL BREAK IT. - ROBIN JAY JEFF

"Old Testament Israel had very clear laws protecting foreigners living in the land. Solomon, in an inspired prayer, prayed that God would answer all the prayers of foreigners, "so that all the peoples of the earth may know your name and fear you" (I Kings 8:43). Aliens were not to be mistreated (Exodus 22:21) or deprived justice (Malachi 3:5); instead, they were to be given land (Ezekial 47:22) and loved (Deuteronomy 10:19). The book of Ruth is about an alien - a Moabitess - who was included in the royal line of David and Jesus.

All this was an imitation of God's love to Israel, who themselves had been aliens (Exodus 22:21, 23:9; Leviticus 19:34). In fact, they were always aliens. "The land is mine," said the Lord, "and you are but aliens and my tenants" (Leviticus 25:33). As aliens who were blessed by God, they treated other people the way God had treated them."

- Edward Welch

Venice is better

"If you read a lot, nothing is as great as you’ve imagined. Venice is - Venice is better." -Fran Lebowitz.

Snipets...

"Any real change implies the break up of the world as one has always known it, the loss of all that gave one identity, the end of safety. And at such a moment, unable to see and not daring to imagine what the future will now bring forth, one clings to what one knew, or thought one knew: to what one possessed or dreamed that one possessed. Yet it is only when man is able, without bitterness or self pity, to surrender a dream he has long cherished, or a privilege he has long possessed, that his is set free--that he has set himself free--for higher dreams, for greater privileges." - James Baldwin

"Faith is the heroic effort of your life. You fling yourself in reckless confidence on God. God has ventured all in Jesus Christ to save us. Now he wants us to venture our all in a life that can face anything it has to face without wavering....Again and again, you will get up to what Jesus Christ wants, and every time, you turn back when it comes to that point until you abandon resolutely....Jesus Christ demands that you risk everything you hold by common sense--and leap into what He says....Christ demands of the man who trust Him the same reckless spirit....that is daring enough to step out of the crowd and bank his faith on the character of God." -- Oswald Chambers

I would say we need to choose our God, choose our redeemer.

The crazy times were fun. But I made a choice. And I KNOW, which is different than saying that I feel, that Jesus offers a way of life that is more fulfilling and satisfying than any other.

Christianity isn't worth it if it's only a religion. It just isn't.
But as a relationship with a Father, a Creator, a best friend, a Lover...it's worth everything. It's worth my entire life.

"There are many problems with trying to market the gospel of Jesus, not the least of which is that, in itself, it is not a cool or fashionable idea. It isn't supposed to be. It is supposed to be revolutionary. It's for people who are tired of trying to be cool, tired of trying to get the world to redeem them......I would say we need to choose our God, choose our redeemer." - D Miller

There is something to be said for how a home and a family - or community of people - hold identity, embody identity. I don't know that I actually completely agree with these thoughts, but....I find myself thinking over and over that it will feel so good to be home and around my family and friends, and be reminded of who I am.

Being in this city is amazing. My life is never boring and I honestly barely know what crazy event will take place next. But, in all the craziness, I can feel myself fading a bit.

But I suppose it's natural, after all. To live and succeed in a place requires adaptation. But with adaptation comes some loss.

Who is this girl that goes clubbing until 5am and smokes the occasional cigarette and has indecent love escapades and a bottle of vodka in the pantry? I just don't quite recognize her.

Valley Center. Blue skies, dirt roads, orange groves. Cups of coffee outside with the sunset and the humming birds and old British mystery movies before bed. I want to belong to this life again.

And here is another thought- forgive the whininess, please:
Lately, I just want things to be simple - again? - and I want to feel happy. I guess happiness is something you move towards and build at, not something you just get. I constantly feel like I just want someone to give me happiness, to just hand it to me. But I guess I know that I need to start making better choices and having the right mindset. I don't want to want things and people that I can't or shouldn't have. I don't want to ache because I want something that I know I shouldn't. I want to erase all the relationships I've had that have made little holes in me... all the bad decisions and actions... because even though I've learned from them, it still hurts when they come up in the reel of my thoughts and those feelings flood back. Pandora's Box is hell, man.

"It is June. I am tired of being brave." -Anne Sexton

"and
yell as far as I can, I cannot leave this place, for
for me it is the dearest and the worst,
it is life nearest to life which is
life lost: it is my place where
I must stand and fail,
calling attention with tears
to the branches not lofting
boughs into space, to the barren
air that holds the world that was my world"

-A.R. Ammons

How unnerving that the things I thought were most tiresome have turned out to be closest to my heart, or whatever it is that's pumping life inside of me. (This may also be true of people.) I want to absolutely take prisoner the colors and smells and whole atmosphere of this place that is home. Here I am an eager kid, all packed a week early and I'm sitting on my bed distractedly while Spain just quietly lives all around me. And I will hate how I wanted so badly to just get the hell out of this country, I know it. I will miss the walking, talking, living that was this life in Barcelona. But I did hold it against my bones, if nothing else. And now I am letting it go. If you don't bend, you break, you know?