When I actually think about it, I am living the dream.
I live in a rather spacious, second story apartment in a bustling but small neighborhood in Barcelona, Spain. I am one of six; Lauren Leticia, my soul sister and completely opposite but very close friend, and I share this abode with four boys - a German, a Dutch, and two Spaniards - who I am thinking will turn out to be surrogate older brothers and very good friends of ours. Because it's required, we do attend a university here a few days a week; the rest of the time is consumed by wine and movie nights, journaling, drinking endless cups of coffee and planning our upcoming travels. Here is what the future holds: come December, we have FIRST: two of our best guyfriends coming to stay and adventure with us for two whole weeks and SECOND: the third leg of our tripod who stayed behind in California, one of our closest girlfriends, coming right after the boys to adventure some more with us and bring in 2008 the right way.
I can't seem to figure out why I get to have this life. I don't deserve this.
And, on a deeper level, I am also experiencing what every follower of Jesus needs to experience - identity crisis, finding out whether my relationship with Jesus is a facet of my identity or whether it is, in fact, the whole of my identity; that is, what it means to know my God and call myself a Christian outside of the United States of America and away from all the people and places and activities that I thought were so essential to being me. I am indeed finding out how much I do not know about myself and how much I have not tapped into when it comes to the storehouses of God's love and insanely good plans for me.
Psalm 16:5-6
"Lord, You have assigned me my portion and my cup; You have made my lot secure.
The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance."
I love these words and the truth behind them. God has been good to me - giving me all the things I didn't ask for and didn't know I needed. Surely I do have a delightful inheritance.
David writes at the end of this psalm, "You make known to me the path of life." I do believe God is opening my eyes to LIFE - what it means to be alive and thriving the way we were created to be. Believe it or not, America does not hold the copyright on the good life. I have rarely been more alive/uncomfortable/stretched/hopeful than I have been here.
Lastly, here is something I keep thinking about, pertaining to life and such ( and I am aware that is it still unfinished and a bit scrambled ) :
I think everyone has something that makes them feel alive - some activity or state of being that they thrive on. And in this sense, society is quite biased and misleading, because it doesn't present everyone's talent; rather, only those who thrive on being beautiful and socializing and attracting attention get to show off what they are good at, being that those are the things that our present society glorifies. But I think there is rarely something so fulfulling to me as seeing someone completely in their element, doing or being the thing that makes them feel most alive, the thing they are best at; while ninety percent of the time, one may feel awkward or mediocre, that ten percent of time in which one feels absolutely confident and whole is, and I mean this literally, a taste of Heaven.
Personally, I think God loves to see His creation prospering, flourishing, living vigorously. I think when we live halfheartedly, it is a little disappointing for our Creator. But times when I feel like all the random qualities God gave me are in this one moment useful, those are the beautiful moments, the moments that make sense of our uniqueness.
I think I am tired of halfheartedly playing the social game and trying to have a go at what I wasn't cut out for. While it may mean a bit more quirkiness on my part, I am ready to embrace that fact that I do not (and do not have to) thrive on being a social butterfly and being generally well put together, sino que yo prospero en conversaciones buenas, outrageous games of ultimate spoons, midnight worship sessions, classic literature, a hard run and a good cup of coffee. That is all I have for now.
