THE WIND

I listen to the wind
to the wind of my soul
Where I'll end up well I think,
only God really knows
I've sat upon the setting sun
But never, never never never
I never wanted water once
No, never, never, never

I listen to my words but
they fall far below
I let my music take me where
my heart wants to go
I swam upon the devil's lake
But never, never never never
I'll never make the same mistake
No, never, never, never

-CAT STEVENS

This song ushers in a clarity for me that is so rare. Apart from my Saviour, Amos Lee, and Dostoevsky, I can't seem to understand the language that my soul speaks. And so while I am in this place of clarity, here are some thoughts:

I heard somewhere a new take on conviction. Some much of my life and my relationship with Jesus used to identify with this word, this feeling. And while I had unknowingly attached a negative connotation to it, the real meaning of this word is found in the Garden. After they eat the fruit, God is searching out Adam and Eve, because He wants to walk with them in the cool of the day, like always. And this intimate calling out, here in Genesis 3, is conviction. It is not spiteful or harsh. God isn't trying to exploit or expose their guiltiness. Rather, He wants to simply be with them. And, because hindsight is 20-20, I can see clearly how this defined so much of my life. Times when I felt so convicted and guilty, and consequently angry, weren't because God hates to see me enjoying myself, but because He knows how dangerous and empty some enjoyment is. I can hear Him saying, "Sierra, you are so far from Me, please come back. I just want to be with you. I want to show you what true enjoyment is."

In any case, that was inspiring for me. I'm crushing on Jesus.

And, lastly, here is a bomb quote from Donald Miller:
"I was watching BET one night and they were interviewing a man about jazz music. He said jazz music was invented by the first generation out of slavery. I thought that was beautiful because, while it is music, it is very hard to put on paper; it is so much more a language of the soul. It is as if the soul is saying something, something about freedom. I think Christian spirituality is like jazz music. I think loving Jesus is something you feel. I think it is something very difficult to get on paper. But it is no less real, no less meaningful, no less beautiful.
The first generation out of slavery invented jazz music. It is a music birthed out of freedom. And that is the closest thing I know to Christian spirituality. A music birthed out of freedom. Everybody sings their song the way they feel it, everybody closes their eyes and lifts up their hands."